what I know about grief [meditations #2]

I have grieved before
threaded it through my life
a blunt needle
that is pulled through
slowly slowly
so I know
that this is
a grief beyond any
most will have known;
for a way of life
uncertainty
fear
a world that has changed
and will emerge scarred,
for there will be a before
and an after.
I know too that grief
grows and swells like a balloon
before deflating unexpectedly
and shrinking lodged
against my ribcage
forever beating there
the tick-tock
of a clock
that will not be silenced.

From Jane to Mrs de Winter

It’s no secret that Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier was inspired by Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte’s classic novel of love and madness. Rebecca is a book that I probably reread at least once a year – I can recite the opening paragraphs by heart. But Jane Eyre I don’t know so well.

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You

You’ll have nights when you won’t be able to stop crying, when it will feel like the whole world is against you, that the world is over. There’ll be nights when the tears won’t stop coming. When the whole world feels dark and cruel. When it feels hopeless, and like there’s no point.

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